When you are in the heat of your mothering journey, the world is against you and you become your own worst enemy, remember that there is another mom out there, battling the same messy compilation of exhaustion, overwhelm, guilt, sticky tables and dirty laundry. You are not alone.
Parenting has given me a run for my money this week. The kind of week that tests every array of emotions, from overwhelming mom guilt to the grind your teeth, clench your fists and count to ten moments. The moments of intense loneliness and longing for adult conversation that you seek in something as simple as a brief coffee order exchange. Or the exhaustion you feel to the core, when your body fails your ability to maintain the house, keep up with the laundry, the disciplining, a marriage, walk with God, or let alone… yourself. You're just thankful to get breakfast, lunch and dinner on the table even if it's a bowl of cereal or yes, the dreaded...Happy Meal. *cringe*
I'm writing this sitting on my unmade bed that was stripped of it's sheets days ago when my infant had a blow out. The pile of sheets has migrated slowly from my bedroom to the dining room to the kitchen, but hasn't quite made it to the laundry room for a wash. My floor is cluttered with laundry that was emptied by my son who insisted he needed the hamper on his head. I sit here looking at each recent dirty diaper that just missed the diaper pail and I couldn't begin to explain the concoction settled in the nearby drinking glass carefully crafted by my toddler.
I've sent my kids back to bed easily twenty times this evening now forty-five minutes into the nightly battle of endless requests for water, cuddles, a song, a hug, a kiss for a "booboo" and to use the potty. Each repetitive call for "Mom!" triggers the alarm clock startle in me as I anxiously await the silence of sleeping children.
I tell myself repeatedly "Tonight, I'll get caught up!" But, low and behold, the baby is going through a sleep regression, the one year old napped earlier in the car, everyone just wants one more sip of water, and plainly I'm downright tired and truthfully it's not going to get done.
At this moment in time I couldn't tell you the day, the date, tomorrow's schedule or yesterday's events. Each day blends into the next. The weeks and months are fleeting and I feel as though I'm doggy paddling just trying to stay afloat. I'm drowning in the chaos and the surface seems farther away than I'd like to admit. I feel like I hit the ground running each morning with no clear direction. I'm just trying to make it to the finish line of each day navigating a winding trail with countless obstacles.
I know these days won't last, the craziness will settle, my days will one day be boring, quiet and predictable. But, at this moment I'm out of touch, over-touched and a bit discouraged, but it's ok. I'm O.K. And most of all, it's not so lonely knowing that someone else is right there with me.
Now a little hand is knocking on my bedroom door and a little voice is asking for more cuddles…I'm needed and loved and that means more to me than anything I'm battling.
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